Challenges of Motherhood

They're inevitable and come with the territory. Challenges come in many sporadic forms but are possible to overcome. Sometimes you have to be creative in your resolutions when it comes to the tests and trials your children can spring on you at any given moment. One of my experiences has been the challenge of washing my daughter's hair while she is screaming and begging for mercy as if I am inflicting excrutiating pain on her. No matter how gentle I was she would scream and cry and call for her daddy! Well, I used to get very upset and the way she would cry made me feel terrible as if I really was hurting her when I knew I wasn't. We can really let our little ones work us and she almost won the battle but one day I decided to take the calm method by speaking to her in a soft tone and saying "big girls don't cry when they get their hair washed. They sit and play with their toys and get to have chocolate for being such a good girl." Yeah, I know. Sounds like a bribe but I was desperate. Desperate times call for desperate measures and a little chocolate every know and then won't hurt. The outcome: Both mommy and daughter are happy and stress free on wash day! If you have a young daughter and wash their hair yourself you know exactly what I mean because from what I've heard this is common for many of us. Now when I give my daughter her weekly hair wash I always say "Okay, it's time for bath and getting your hair washed!" When I first began using the reverse psychology by using the "big girl vs baby" concept she had to grow accustomed to it so every now and then she would say "No! I don't want to get my hair washed!" Now, she says "I'm going to be a big girl and get my hair washed! Then, I'm going to have chocolate!" My lesson to dear daughter is you have to earn rewards in life. You just don't get the reward for the sake of getting it. So, she learns that if she behaves well when she gets her hair washed she earned the right to have some chocolate which is a reward not something she has to have or is entitled to. I'm not one of those types of parents that doesn't give my child sweets but I give them to her in limited amounts and because we didn't constantly consume soda, candy, and chips she opts for healthier alternatives like predominantly drinking water. She drinks juice maybe once or twice a day but predominantly water. I have to work on the milk but I give her a daily multi which has added calcium and she gets Vitamin D from other sources but for the mostpart she eats her fruits and veggies. She's at a point now where I believe her taste is changing. For example, she may love to eat granola bars for a few months and then all of a sudden she doesn't want granola bars or anything else she normally favors.

My daughter would eat Dora fruit snacks all day everyday if we let her so she tries to pull this "I don't want anything but Dora snacks" act on us. So, I tell her that she has to eat food like a sandwich or her chicken and veggies then maybe she can have Dora snacks so she would keep testing us and testing us to see if we would give in. Well, today I told her I was going to make her a sandwich for lunch and when she eats her sandwich she can have her Dora snacks. So, she finally decides to give in and she complied by eating her sandwich. Most of the time she would sit and cry and not eat her food because she's trying to see if we will give her what she wants. So, we've made some progression this weekend as far as wash day and teaching her that she has to eat her food before she can get sweets. I'll be updating the Challenges of Motherhood as this is an ongoing process so there will always be something new to share.

Postpartum Depression

According to the Encyclopedia of Mental Disorders, “postpartum depression is a depression that can range from mild to suicidal and can occur anytime after delivery up to one year later.” The initial onset begins in the first 4 weeks after delivery. Common symptoms include: agitation and irritability, feelings of worthlessness or guilt, feeling withdrawn, socially isolated or unconnected, negative thoughts toward the baby and thoughts of death or suicide. The underlying cause of postpartum depression is changes in hormone levels which is normally followed by mood changes and typical for the mother following the birth of a child. There is also the “postpartum blues” which is less severe than postpartum depression as it has similar symptoms but is short lived. Treatment involves medication, therapy or a combination of both. There is no single method of prevention but certain factors can help like having a support system. The best thing to do if you feel that you have this disorder is to get early detection and seek help. Don’t be ashamed or deny these symptoms if you are experiencing them because it is the smartest thing you can do for yourself, your newborn and your family. I know from experience so I can attest to the benefits of counseling as treatment for postpartum depression.

I believe I began feelings of depression while in the hospital the day after my daughter was born. I was fine one minute but then I was a “basket case” the next. I would cry just looking at my daughter. I felt like an emotional wreck and I wanted it to just stop so I could go on with my new and exciting life as a mother. I didn’t realize I was in for a very bumpy ride as my depression lasted up to a year after my daughter was born. It was extremely difficult as I felt that I had no control over my feelings and thoughts. Simultaneously, I was sad, happy, afraid, and angry. One thing I did know was that I didn’t want to harm my child. I think I was moreso severely paranoid that I would do something wrong that would lead to her being harmed. Becoming a mother for the first time is scary because you have this little person who cannot talk that totally depends on you for everything. I immediately thought that maybe I was just having a small bout with the “baby blues” but my symptoms seemed to last longer than I believed was capable. I just talked to my husband, some of my family members and friends about it which helped slightly but it wasn’t until my daughter was 8 or 9 months old that I finally decided that I needed to seek some counseling which was one of the best decisions I could have ever made. It is a shame that going to counseling is so taboo in our society because I think that many people will benefit greatly from it whether they are depressed or not. It is very therapeutic as it opened the door for a lot of other issues to be revealed and I was forced to face them. A breakthrough occurred as a result of my counseling sessions. I began to see things differently and realized that the solution was in me all along. I did not need any medication to relieve myself of this depression which so abruptly took over my body and mind. I personally do not believe in medication for depression and many other illnesses and disorders. I think that a holistic approach is more suiting as medications put you at risk for additional problems such as dependency and adverse effects which will in turn lead to further illnesses. This defeats the whole purpose in seeking help in my opinion so I hope that this information was helpful for those who were misinformed or knew nothing about postpartum depression because we need to increase awareness as many women suffer from this disorder and do not seek the proper attention for it as they either deny it or simply don’t know that it is something common which can also be treated.